An Irishman’s Tale

by Dave Shepherd

4 dead grannies and a miscarriage. Steven Ireland – not the brightest spark! The Guardian September 2007

Steven Ireland was a well known player with Manchester City and the Republic of Ireland.

His then Manager Sven-Goran Eriksson, called him "stupid" because the Manchester City midfielder claimed his grandmother had died in order to miss playing for the Republic so he could meet up with his girlfriend in Cork. He eventually owned up admitting making an excuse to miss Ireland's 1-0 defeat v the Czech Republic. Furthermore he had also asked Eriksson, the then Man City club manager, for compassionate leave to be extended over the weekend, claiming he would not be in the right frame of mind to be able to play against Aston Villa because he was grieving and had to help with the family funeral arrangements.

But local journalists later discovered that Ireland's grandmother, Patricia Tallon, was indeed alive and well, and was shocked to read of the announcement of her own death in the Irish newspapers.  Ireland then said he’d made a mistake. It was actually his other grandmother, Brenda Kitchener, who died. She, in turn, was also astonished to read of her own death too and angrily threatened to sue the newspaper with legal action. Stephen then changed his story again, this time claiming that it was his grandfather who was divorced and was living with a new lady who had just died. But surprise, surprise, you have guessed it, that also turned out not to be true!

Ireland then again changed his story claiming his girlfriend had miscarried and that "caused me to panic”.  He then dug himself even deeper, by releasing a statement through his club Manchester City saying it was actually his girlfriend’s grandmother who had now died. "I was deeply upset and I immediately rang my girlfriend who he claimed had also just suffered a miscarriage.

“Jessica” he said, was very lonely and asked me to come home. She thought they might let me get back to see her if I told them my grandmother had died.

Ireland admitted he had panicked and that he had unintentionally invented the four grandmothers deaths ‘ I just got confused, it was all a silly mistake’.

Eriksson, who was always reluctant to criticize his players, said "I hope he has learned a valuable lesson. It was a stupid thing to do." Ireland said "I realise now that it was a massive mistake to say our four grandmothers had died, and my girlfriend had miscarried. I have apologised to all the grandmothers and of course all my family.’

That’s all for now – until we meet again, down at the far post!