'Jug Ears' - Now's your chance

by Dave Shepherd

Bolton had a strong Vets league back in the 90's - a lot different than it is today. Back then, substitutes were new to the game, intended to replace injured players. Every Player however saw it as a slur on their 'so called' talent. Nothing tactical in there use, it meant you weren't first choice. Whoever was nominated 12th man would automatically 'sulk and throw a right strop'. It was just the thing you were expected to do. I am not sure what was worse, being dragged off to be replaced by someone not as good, or being sub in the first place. Even worse was if you were replacing an injured player. And believe me, I've 'stropped' with the best of them too.

Well on this particular Sunday, Stoneclough were playing Worsley Wanderers in the Bolton Vets over 35s League Cup. The game was stalemate and drifting along for a draw. The last thing both teams wanted was a replay. Albert, the Stoneclough manager had a master plan. If the game was tight with 20 minutes to go he'd bring on 'Jug Ears' (not the best looker, but he look tough). Every team had a scrapper in the midfield, and he was just the man for the job. 'Jug Ears' was told to warm - up, which meant 10 press ups, and 12 toe touches.

'Right Jug Ears - now's your chance to show us what you are made of. Next time the ball goes out - you are on. I want you to go in the middle of the park and create absolute havoc. Go on lad, go out there and give em bloody Hell!'

“Next time the ball goes out - you are on. Create absolute havoc!”

Jug Ears gave the customary Sub snarl, and ran onto the centre circle awaiting the goal kick. Traditionally then, every goal kick would be launched upfield as far as it could, right into 'Jug Ears' territory, where half a dozen players were waiting to challenge for the header. Right on cue, the ball flew high in the air towards a melee of awaiting players. There, with arms fully outstretched was the eagerly awaiting 'Jug Ears.' He caught the ball cleanly with both hands, and as he landed - he was off, sprinting as fast as he could jumping over the perimeter fence, over the outer fence, across the allotments, through the nearby gardens, last seen disappearing into the local council estate - never to return to play for Stoneclough again!!

The game was abandoned - there was no spare ball back in those days. Well he certainly was true to his managers instructions - he sure knew how to create havoc!!

Till we meet again lads - down at the Far Post!!